


you’ve got your demons (and darling they all look like me)

by mysterytwin



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Changeling!Jim, Gen, because g o d he deserves to be happy for once, jim gets turned back into a human, toby comes with jim and claire and doesn't stay behind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 23:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14758544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterytwin/pseuds/mysterytwin
Summary: While he’s grateful they won the battle, there is a part of him that misses who he used to be.





	you’ve got your demons (and darling they all look like me)

**Author's Note:**

> season 3 was truly Something Else i have so many feelings about them
> 
> but uhh 2 things you should know about this fic  
> 1) toby shouldn't have stayed behind  
> 2) jim deserves to be able to go back to his human form
> 
> that is all. hope you like it!!

Jim always imagined that the world would end the same way it began, with darkness shrouding every edge and the sounds of screams echoing off every corner. Hope disappears until it’s just a simple word, and failure attempts to switch from stranger to friend.

His friends fight alongside him, their weapons drawn and eyes narrowed. A war is about to begin, and if they don’t win, then just about everything will fall apart. Two worlds at the brink of destruction, and it’s his job to stop it.

And when the Eternal Night dawns upon them, Jim knows his nightmares were right.

The only thing they got wrong is that he’s not human anymore.

 

* * *

 

They win, but at the price of half of his humanity. He’s grateful for their victory—and maybe he wished that things had gone down differently, but he would have made the same decision over and over again if it meant that world would still continue to spin. And now it’s still going, but there’s a bittersweet aftertaste to it.

He’s a troll now. A troll with a human heart and a human mind. A troll who will never feel the warmth of the sun again after living all his life dependent on it, a troll who can never eat the food he cooks, a troll who has to hide behind whispers and shadows. There’s a part of him that will be forever missing now.

He’s the Trollhunter, and this is his duty. This is his destiny, this is what he chose for himself, what he chose to save the world. This was _necessary_ for them to succeed and defeat Morgana and Gunmar. His humanity alone wouldn’t have been enough.

He is grateful.

But what doubted gratefulness doesn’t come with longing? With yearning? He still wishes things were the way they used to be. Selfish, maybe, but he’s just a boy. He’s young enough to have wants—but he’s also supposed to be old enough to _understand_. He’s supposed to understand that there are things he can’t have, things he can’t ever feel again.

He can’t take the armor off; and it’s almost as if it’s an ever present reminder of his mistakes and of his decision. Of his duty. He can’t look at the mirror without remembering what it used to be like, to feel what everyone else did, to not have rock for skin. What he wouldn’t give to feel the sunlight once more.

And it helps that his friends and family are around him, to show him that they still care for him despite who he may be now, but it also reminds him of what used to be. _Who he used to be._

The Deep was a warning. And he took that jump still, because he’s supposed to be a hero. And heroes will sacrifice themselves, if it means everyone stays safe.

And maybe the storybooks were wrong. Maybe heroes really don’t get happy endings after all. Because even now that they’ve won, there are still some sacrifices that have scars that run too deep.

He doesn’t regret his choice, but that doesn’t mean he wants to live with it.

 

* * *

 

 

When Toby comes running toward them, eyes full of light and a smile bright as ever, it almost breaks his heart to ask Toby to stay behind.

Because this is _Toby_. This is his best friend, who found the adventure along with him, and stayed even when things got rough and dark. This is the friend who answered every midnight call for help after a nightmare, the friend who stood his ground when Jim said it was too dangerous for him to stay during fights. This is the same boy who understands Jim like no one else can, who has been his friend right from the beginning and stubbornly continues to choose to stay. This is the one person who knows him better than anyone, who knows what to do when the burdens on his shoulders become too heavy. This is the friend who chooses over and over again to help him even when it’s so much _easier_ to leave. They’re a dynamic duo, they always have been.

To leave Toby behind would be to forget his own beginning.

So instead, he swallows the words that ask him to _stay, Tobes, you’re the only one who can_ , and wraps him in a hug.

“Thank you for coming,” he says, and he means it. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t.”

“Anything for you, Jimbo.” Toby smiles, and it’s the same lopsided smile Jim’s known for years now.

(And with all the trolls leaving, what could possibly harm Arcadia, right? There’s no such thing as _aliens_.)

It might be selfish of him, but this is the first choice he’s made in a while that doesn’t have the fate of the world hanging upon it.

 

* * *

 

He’s in the middle of helping Blinky rebuild Troll Market when Merlin appears next to him, a faint smile resting on his face.

“Jim, do you mind if I speak to you? It is of quite importance. I believe you will like it,” the old wizard says.

“Sure,” Jim replies hesitantly. Blinky gives him a look, but nods anyway before moving away. “What’s up?”

“I have something to show you.” Merlin brings out a jar, filled with light blue liquid. “I gathered the ingredients myself, it was rather difficult.”

“What is it?”

“I wanted to thank you for defeating Morgana and for helping me get my magic back. Because of that, I figured it was worth a try to make you this,” he says, holding the jar a little bit closer to Jim. “A reverse spell for your trollish nature.”

His eyes widen. Slowly, he takes the jar into his hands, holding it close. “It’ll change me back?”

“Well, not quite exactly. It will make you more changeling-like, meaning you will be able to switch between both forms as you choose. That way, you will still be part of both worlds simultaneously.”

Jim stops. He’ll be human again. He’ll be able to go out during the day and have flesh for skin and eat normal food and go to school and and and—

“Thank you,” he says with a smile. “Thank you so much.”

Merlin smiles crookedly. “You are welcome, Trollhunter.”

 

* * *

 

It feels weird, being able to switch between two forms, but Nomura is there to guide him. Everyone was surprised to see him back in his human form, but they’re all happy for him.

Being back in his old skin feels _right_. It feels like every puzzle piece has fallen back into place. This is who he is, who he used to be, and who he will be. He’s a _changeling_. He knows both forms well enough to be able to control it, and he has a piece of both human and troll within him. It’s perfect.

The first time he goes out into the sun, his heart leaps when he doesn’t feel the burning sensation he grew accustomed to. It’s bright and sunny and peaceful. It’s nice to see the world without the darkness, without the shadows.

Toby and Claire are right next to him, and he grabs their fingers. He smiles into the sunlight, into the warmth. He missed it so much.

“How does it feel?” Claire asks.

Jim smiles, soft and happy. “Like coming home.”


End file.
